stoopiee

Well... Summer '08 hasn't been the best of summers, but it's holding it's own!  This summer I definately think that I've grown as a person.  I have a wonderful boyfriend, Joseph, who I'm trying to see as much as possible, but with School and a full time job, it's kinda hard.

Work ~  I work full time this summer at a screening company, where we make T-shirts.  I work on the second shift from 3-11pm Monday-Friday, and I work right in front of an 875 degree dryer! 

School ~ I'm at CCP for summer courses in Biology, and I've actually learned of some other things that I want to do in life.  SHOCKING I know.  I think that I'm just ready to go back to Cabrini.  I really miss the people, and I'm really excited to be and RA this year!

Well that about says it all!  Tomorrow I'm going down to the shore with Joseph and his family again, and it's going to be such an amazing time!  THen next Sunday we're going to se Mamma Mia at the Acedemy

So I haven't entered in a while.....and like Bridget said, "I have nothing to complain about"  Lol it's true I haven't.....things are great.   Things are moving along with music, I'm really trying to work hard, just piano alone is overwhelming, but then I think of other people, and the things that they have to do, so I'm really not that big of a deal.  What else.....lol I've been offered a couple jobs over the past few days, but I can't take them cause I don't have time, and I need to keep on top of my school work.  For the most part, the only class I think that I'm having trouble with is spanish, but yea whatever.  I'm also trying to drop Trig/PreCalc cause i really don't have a teacher.

                       ..........If I wear a mask I can fool the world 
                                       But I cannot fool my heart.........

So yea, there have been somethings that I have been thinking of a lot lately, and I need to make a decision about one of them inparticular, and I just don't know what to say to myself......or other people for that matter.

                      ..........You may think you see who I really am
                                        But you'll never know me..........

There are somethings that I do, that I need to change, and yes Bridget, you mentioned one.  There are other things that i have to change first.

               ..........There's a heart that must be free to fly
                       That burns with a need to know 
                         The reason why 
                      Why must we all conceal
                          What we think
                         How we feel
          Must there be a secret me 
                     I'm forced to hide
                    I won't pretend that I'm 
                            Someone else for all time..........

"She makes you want to drowned yourself in a bottle of water". . . i think that's my new favorite quote

"Wierd how you go through a ^{whole year} and nothing hardly _{seems to change at all}, but then you _look back_ a year later and realize everthing is completely different."

                                                                                                                            - Patrice's away message-

Here is ^{my comment} to that saying. . . first of all, whose fault is it that everything changed? Take my "friendship"  with Pam.  We both wanted to do a show, she got her way, and is doing one.  There was a falling out, and now we don't even talk.  It's no ones fault, but stuff happens.  I think everyone tries to blame others for their observations.  Personally, there is a lot of things that have been said to me this summer and i'm just like, _{" yea, uh huh."}  then i'm just like "yea no". . . and i've noticed that it has pretty much been directed to one person in particular.  I'l apologize now before you get any more "bitter" at me then you already are.  


Yum . . . FRESH
  
                                                                                                             
               FRUIT

                  This is just for Nikki and Bridget to enjoy!






anyway . . .

I'm really starting to think that i really should've done football this year. . . . .  . who know's people probably don't think that i can do that either.  it's time to start telling the truth.  That is, before time starts running out!

303 days 10 hours 4minutes and 20seconds . . . clock is ticking, the choice is yours

Senior prom was amazing, even though I had a difficult time, but all in all everything was amazing.  I saw everyone that I wanted to, and even though I didn't get to ask them, I am positive that they had an awesome time.  There were moments that I was upset, I'm not gonna lie, but more scared.  I tried to tell Bridget, but everytime that I saw her, I couldn't.  There were just so many things that were running through my mind.....stuff that I shouldn't have been worring about at senior.  So after prom, I went home, becasuse .... I had nothing else to do.  That was my night.

 That was a poem my mom sent me because she knows that I'm putting MYSELF through hell.  Everyone knows my answer...."I"m fine," and until my mom said, "Robert, everything doesn't always have to be fine," everything would've been.  The reason everything was always fine, was because of my fear of letting someone know who I am.  That's been a problem that I've been trying to get over for a while.  But I have gained two fears from thinking like that...being alone.....everyone saying," I told you so, and I knew it."

Last night something occured to me, and I will say that Should've seen it comming.  I gone through hard times this past year.....espically one year ago from this time, but did I do that to myself?  There were certain looks that I got last night that I thought, was it meant to be like that, or am I just thinking that way.  

Sorry to cut it short, but i'm spendng Prom weekend with my grandma, and she just got here.....so to be continued at another time.